Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Grey Wednesday

Block: Obstetrics & Gynaecology, week 7

I am slowly turning into a (potential) doctor. It's finally beginning to hit me. The excuses are beginning to run out. The final years year above me graduated nearly a month ago. Their names are on the GMC's Register. Seriously, I can look up people I've got hammered with and seen cross-dressing as naughty nurses and they are listed as actual mofo-ing doctors now. They are not final years, I am now a final year. A student in the most senior class in the medical school. And today, the first Wednesday of August, the year above me began work in hospitals up and down the country (a day affectionately known in the business as "Black Wednesday"). Which means that next year, exams permitting, it will be my turn. I am one year away from my very own Black Wednesday. Today is my Grey Wednesday, if you will.

It's quite a realisation. People will actually expect me to know shit and do shit. Not everything by any means, but still, some things.

And I feel ever-so-very-slightly incompetent pretty much all the time.

There's a year left til Black Wednesday. 9 months til Finals. 3 more placements til Revision Block. 4 months til the SJT. 2 months til I submit my job application. All these numbers and deadlines, counting down the months til the day of judgement and reckoning which will finally answer that question I've been asking myself for so many years now..."so, Grumpy, did you actually think you'd be good enough to be a doctor?".

With all this giddy stress/occasional feeling of impending doom going around my head, it's no wonder lately I've been feeling torn by a near daily desire to want to enjoy my remaining time as a layabout student by going out and getting hammered as much and as often as possible or staying indoors and attempting to memorise every word of my textbooks for fear of voiding the past seven years of higher education. For the record, my social life is moribund and I haven't been properly out in forever, so at the moment I'm definitely more in the latter camp than the former.

As far as obstetrics and gynaecology goes, with one more week to go, I can safely say that it's been a really decent block. The clich├ęs about childbirth are all completely true. It is life-affirming. It is intense. It's not like TV. Watching a woman go through labour honestly made me forget to breathe at times (usually when she was pushing) because I felt so tense myself. But in a good way. I really do love the "human drama" side of medicine. It's why I'm still here. And an uncomplicated birth is surely the best antidote there is to every crappy thing I've seen in the hospital throughout the years. It is the perfect opposite of death and illness. So yes, it's been enjoyable. Has it made me want to be an obstetrician or gynaecologist? No, but still, I've had a good few weeks and it's been a great end to my third year of medical school!

2 comments:

  1. Surgery as a medical student was pretty horrible but as an F1 I really enjoyed it. It helped that I was in a less busy hospital and my team was not as stereotypical as yours was.

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  2. Gahh! Can you believe we're final years? How has this happened?!
    I've been catching up on your blog and I'm glad that you've had some decent clinical experience over the past few months - things can get tough sometimes, but we're ultimately here because we were a bit mad and decided that this is what we want to do!
    However - if the SJT exam was a person, I would be mad. I wouldn't punch them in the face, but I would be very very moody..
    xoxo

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